Sirius never told
by Unbidden-Angel
Summary: There were many things Sirius never said. Many more will never be said.


**Sirius never told**

**Summery:** (All the things Sirius never told.) (Sirius never told many things, and many things were never known.)

**Warnings:** Het and Yoai hints, hints of beastiality, hints of Char. Death, child abuse, miscarriage, illness, hints of rape.

**Disclaimer:** I only _wish_ I owned them..

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><p>When Sirius was born, he didn't cry as loud as the other babies.<p>

A few months after he was born, he got really sick and had to be submitted to St. Mungo's. His lungs were weak and his voice would always be different than it should've been- warped slightly. He would eventually learn how to change his voice and cover it up- eventually making it second-nature and what would be known as his signature voice.

When Sirius was young, he and his family were taking a vacation and he had a bad incident with a werewolf. He wasn't bitten, but he was scarred for life.

A couple of years after his incident with the werewolf, Sirius was molested by a wizard in a clown suit. He'd gained Coulrophobia- the fear of clowns. He didn't want anyone to know about his phobia, so he kept it secret. Locked up tight like every other dark, dirty secret he had.

A couple of years before his first year, Sirius was re-admitted to Mungo's for a potential heart problem. It was confirmed in his second year and he received a letter in his fifth detailing how his magic had 'deformed' due to inbreeding and was pressuring his heart to slowing down. It would kill him.

He had a miscarriage shortly afterwards, which only sped up his mental break-down.

That year, the mental strain caused the 'Snape Incident'. He couldn't admit to his friends the real reason _why_ he had done it.

Sirius couldn't bear for anyone to find out how disappointed he was in himself when he'd been put in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. He pushed down the pain that he felt every time his family told him how much he disappointed them. And he cried himself to sleep the night Regulus had been named as Heir. After that, he did everything he could to make them suffer, even if it was in petty ways.

Sirius' mother wanted him to become Dark- preferably a Dark Lord- and was pressuring him to do horrible, immoral things- to Muggles mostly. He didn't waste much time in learning how to turn his heart to ice and deal with everything else through fighting at school.

He was 'trained' at home- lowering his weaknesses to the Imperious and Crutatious. He did his best to hide any and all evidence.

Sirius was constantly thinking of suicide. He'd gained scars from all the attempts and marked each way off his list. He made notes and kept all the information he gained in a special book that was charmed to look like something any other boy his age would keep. He would change it every now and then- taking no chances.

In their fourth year, Sirius and Severus began an unexpected friendship that was kept secret. It took that friendship for Severus to create a potion that lessened the strain on Sirius' heart. it wasn't a cure, but Sirius was always grateful for the help.

By the time he reached his seventh year, Sirius could feel his heart beating against his ribs when he strained himself too much and he had to pant just to walk to a class. Any other time, his heart beat was hard to read and sluggish; he often imagined that he could feel the strain it took to continue beating.

Sirius never told anyone about the times he slept with Lucius, knowing the older boy would stay equally quite, wanting what happened between them to remain a secret.

Sirius had a secret crush on Remus- and a bigger one on Moony himself, but no one needed to know that. Sirius kept James' possessive-crush on Snape just as secret. No one but Lucius seemed to know even a _fraction_ of his kinks.

The first time Sirius had sex, was with Regulus, his little brother. They'd been curious and had wanted to poke fun at the Black incest history. Sirius bottomed. He later got to top once but decided to switch back.

Sirius was suppose to die in his seventh year, but his stubbornness kept him alive- but not necessarily out of the Hospital Wing- until shortly after Seventh Year, when he had to be re-submitted to St. Mungo's. There, he came into his Creature-blood, not really being able to live, but not being- literally- three steps from death any more. Turned out, the past Black's liked to experiment.

When Sirius fell through the Veil, he didn't get to tell Remus and Harry that he wouldn't be dieing and most certainly not leaving for long. He was a Dementor/Banshee mix with a hint of Dragon. Not bad, considering that he only showed the slightest signs of them. Well, minus not being able to kiss or scream ever again. But, minor details and all. Either way, the Veil was meant for his kind. Well, sorta. And it certainly wouldn't kill him, Killing Curse or not.

And Sirius most certainly never let anyone find out that he'd raised a little Doxy-girl.

But the one secret he'd never let anyone find out, so happened to also be one of his most painful. Falling in love with that pure-blood Slytherin witch and going to her wedding. He'd been able to have her, but had remained quite, not thinking he'd live long enough to actually raise a family to be Black.

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><p>Sorry its taking me so long to get the next chapter of ATTWN, but every time I put pencil to paper, I tend to drift.. But not to fear, for school-time is here! And class is usually when most of my writing is done.<p>

About the Snape/Sirius friendship: Keep in mind that Siri is going through a lot of stress. Miscarrying, mental strain of dieing, near-constant exposure to the Unforgivables, being forced to learn so many spells- both at home and school, not to mention most of the home-taught spells being Dark, depression, possible insomnia, being forced to torture, etc. Muggles and possible Witches/Wizards, along with more possibly. And lets not forget that a werewolf scarred him for life when he was young and he always around Remus. So he has reason for trying to kill Severus. But it could also be taken as wanting to push everyone away -albeit, in an extreme way, even though that just might be how Sirius rolls- and gain some relief and space.

As always, please inform me of any problems, corrections, etc.

If you Flame...then well.. you're just a looser. I pity you. Get a life.


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